I don't know what title to put on this one

4:00am Monday morning – 20th March 2006 (either computer or internet connection was mucking up getting this in my blog earlier)
Richard and I broke up this weekend. I feel like my world has tipped upside down. I can only stop crying when I’m not trying to work out what went wrong or someone brings up his name.
I’m stopping my headaches by drinking water they seem to be from crying too much. Even the smell of food makes me want to be sick. I’ve given up on sleep for tonight. I feel mentally and physically drained, I don’t understand where it went so wrong.

Richard has lots of support which is great.I’m lucky enough to have supportive family who has rung me and txt me often since. And a friend of the family has stayed over night last night to keep me company, which helped to keep my mind off everything. Richards mum has been her lovely self (so supportive).

He has tried to be there for me, asking me how I’m doing, this makes it hurt even more. He shows no emotion. I’ve not been able to eat since our fight on Friday night. Work will be a break from this pain. I can’t comprehend how someone can say they love you the day before and be non emotive and even happy to go out find a flat, and move out the day after. He rang last night to see how I was. I honestly don’t know if he were expecting me to say ‘great’, he seemed really happy.

People around him say that there is a reason, but to protect him I won’t say what they think as he has not admitted it in his own blog any where. If I had a choice I would have listened harder when he said that people in his family say he has this condition and I would have studied up on it. I would have rewound Friday night so it did not happen.
I want him to ring saying that he misses me and he loves me and that he has worked out that its easier living with me than away from me. (I know this is more than likely just a dream, that hurts me more than trying to look ahead).